A LADY WITH EXPERIENCE 

“The matter is that I’ve struck on a new understanding of life,” Maria Gorodova says. “No one owes us anything, be it our parents or the government. I can rely on myself only. This understanding came to me with the new historical era Russia arrived at a few years ago. For some this historical turn entailed a grandiose inner transformation. But in any time the future of an individual depended on this very individual. We were promised a happy life and a bright future in the old days. But it has turned far more complicated. We cannot expect life to confer presents on us all the time because, as the advertisers assure us, we must deserve them. To accept your life as it is is very difficult and costs a tremendous inner effort”. 

Maria Gorodova became aware of this about six years ago, when her husband died in an accident saving another person’s life. All of a sudden, Maria, a housewife then, found herself on her own with her two children, no means of support and with no one to rely on. 

“We lived in Kursk then and it was the year 1998,” Maria Gorodova recalls. “I was a housewife with a university degree in biotechnology. The tragedy struck overnight. My husband, a reporter for the “Krestyanka” or “Peasant Woman” Publishing House, died in an accident and I was confronted with the problem of how I was going to carry on and raise the kids. That was a devastating personal drama that I went through. I soon came to realize that I ought to build up my life so as to spare the children the emotional stress they were suffering in the wake of the tragedy. I knew I had to protect them against this evil, to protect their yet fragile inner worlds against the shocking realities of the world around them.” 

The tragedy in which Maria’s husband died saving an 18-year-old orphan and dying with him as a result struck those  close to her as the greatest unfairness. A model family that by every yardstick had to be solid and flourishing was hit by a crippling crisis. 

“When we hear of a tragedy we all secretly hope that it’ll spare us,” Maria Gorodova says. “It’s a psychological trick of sorts and it often goes back on us. So we come to realize eventually that it may happen to any of us. And what becomes important after you’ve been caught by a disaster is your idea of survival. In my case, I think, a devastating psychological blow did not prevent me from taking the right decision. 

Psychologically, the decision Maria Gorodova went for under the circumstances couldn’t be better, at least for the time right after the tragedy. To spare herself and the children the emotional stress at living in the environment closely associated with the memories of her late husband she chose to move out. A dramatic turn in her life proved the only effective remedy. 

“At the funeral I was approached by the president of the “Peasant Woman” Publishers my husband had worked for,” Maria Gorodova says. “Shattered at what had happened she inquired what she could do for me. And I said, “I can try to write for you, if you don’t mind”. That was an adventurous decision on my part, of course, because I had no proper qualifications for the job. I had tried my hand at writing short reports for a newspaper on two occasions. But I was not a professional. To ask for such a favour was an adventurism that sprang from despair. What I knew for sure then was that from now on I ought to provide for my children.”  

To make things yet worse the 1998 banking crash made worthless every single ruble of Maria’s scarce savings. But she has always been too proud to ask for help. 

“As I look back on what happened to me I am sure I was right not to ask anyone for money,” Maria says. “You have to rely on your inner reserves at times of crisis. After I got a journalistic job at the “Peasant Woman” Publishing House I rented a flat in a suburban town near Moscow. And all of a sudden I discovered that life was not treating me badly after all. Even though I had two children on my hands and had yet to secure myself a stable position with the publishing house, I felt lucky on many occasions when people I had never seen before showed uppermost understanding and compassion towards me and my children.” 

The knowledge that she was not the only one surviving such a tragedy provided Maria with additional strength and willpower. 

“When you meet someone you’ve never known before and this someone shows so much understanding of you, it inspires you with optimism. As I commuted to Moscow for a year with my children always with me because they wouldn’t stay alone, I kept bumping into people who helped me a lot and did so expecting nothing in return. I think they helped because they too had been helped before and they paid their dues by helping someone in their turn. There is a circulation of good and evil, I think. If someone has done you good, you have to return it.” 

Maria Gorodova is living in Moscow now. In the years that have passed since the tragedy she has established herself with the “Peasant Woman” Publishers and her ratings as a journalist are very high. She replaced her late husband in the job and has succeeded in it. Her interviews with pop music celebrities and the church hierarchs have earned undisguised praise and have been reprinted by a number of influential publishers. 

“The journalistic trade is a tough business,” Maria Gorodova says. “I think it’s more for men than women because of the severe competition there. The glossiness we all admire is no more than a veneer. But I am happy in it anyway because it gives me the chance to test myself. As long as I do something so fascinating and do it well, I don’t care about whether I have to sleep on a camping bed in the kitchen or live in other, equally uninviting conditions. This is the concept of life that I am trying to get across to the children. Money doesn’t make much difference as long as you enjoy your work. It would be preferable, of course, to do what you like and get paid for it well. But difficult as it is, you have to work towards it, because the feeling of self-fulfillment gets your mind off the meaningless daily worries that mar our lives. I wouldn’t say that my story has a happy ending but I did come out of the crisis with my head up in the air proud for myself and the kids. I just hope that one day my children will understand what it cost me to survive, raise them and build up a new life for us from scratch.” 

When things go badly Maria Gorodova is always smiling. A smile, she says, helps you to keep yourself together. Because when people take pity on you, you find it harder to control your feelings. And keeping calm and confident of tomorrow is a must when you have kids. A reassuring smile is better than any remedy, especially with children, who are so vulnerable to stress. 

“A child should not see you cry. You carry your smile to people and you leave your tears to God, a popular saying goes. And what is also important for children with a working mother is that they should see none of her worries when she comes home. Whatever bad an experience a mother may suffer in the process of work, she should leave it behind, so that the children should in no way be affected by it. Otherwise, they may suffer psychic or mental disorder. This is the kind of harmony I set my mind on when at home. The world has become much more aggressive and I see many children crack under the pressure. Ideally, a mother should stay home full time, so that she’ll always be available to offer the kids a palatable explanation as to the true values of life. Explanation is vital in the age of television and advertising. But if you work, you have fewer chances of creating such a comfortable microclimate at home. As for me, I think I am managing on both fronts.” 

But the major challenge, of course, is personal development, without which all other achievements would be just beyond access. 

“Progress is vital in the development of an individual,” Maria says. “I first wrote a couple of reports, then I learned to interview people, next I went on to accumulate knowledge and now I am thinking of publishing a collection of my interview and in my mind I can see clearly how to do that. Progress stimulates you in your further development. When you see a new peak after you’ve conquered the previous one it whips you up to scale it too. You move up step-by-step and the steps you make keep you afloat preventing you from going down. Being involved, feeling involved in something that takes your breath away gives you the support you need from within. To secure your own place in the bustling world we are living in is vital to survive. 

I can see many people now rushing to and fro caught in the grips of ever-changing values, not knowing where they belong. As a result, they lose their selves. But when you address the eternal values, values that have proved true by centuries of human experience, you hit a different dimension in life and all the rest becomes secondary. This is what provides you with the potential for personal growth and helps you to survive.”